an untidy future

Little Girls do a lot of the following:

(or at least I did)

1. playing house...usually involves a kitchen set of some sort and an apron

2. gearing up for the fairy tale ending...something to do with prince charming and feet sweeping

3. walking around with Dolls...in my case barbies, wasn't big on dolls...but they were dressed, fed, enjoying pool parties and their corvette, and dating ken.

Big Girls do a lot of the following:

(or at least attempt)

1. trying to find a suitable place to work and live, some place of my own with a big closet.

2. wondering if every dude encountered could be THE prince charming

3. listening to the ticks of the biological clock.

Cancer has made all of the above much more complicated than I would care to admit. Or even would admit out loud. And i'd appreciate no one actually talking about this post with me in person. Lately I've felt the effects cancer will have on my future more keenly.

and I am also aware of how skewed my personal perspective is. but this is how I feel about my future. and the picture one normally has of what their future will be.

I've always envisioned that I would have kids. and we'd be like the Gilmore Girls (with a much wider age gap). Fast, witty talkers that are pretty and avid readers with good musical taste.

But you know what you need to produce offspring?

a dude.

pleasant to look at, smart, funny, doesn't like long walks, but does enjoy doing dishes, appreciates good literature and bad acting, doesn't mind that I only like pepperoni on my pizza and cannot cook, does not talk during movies unless I initiate conversation, knows who Rivers Cuomo is, loves the ocean, gets along with Chrissy, Loves my family and etc.

(Fairly certain this guy does not exist)

I wage an internal war daily on the topic of dating.

Yes, boyfriends aren't that bad. And can probably reach things in cabinets that I can't

but

I've got cancer. slap a damaged sticker across my forehead please.

Boyfriends make excellent dates to things.

but

I'm busy trying to kickstart a big girl future for myself.

seriously, who would want to date me? I'm all cancery and stuff.

talk about some heavy baggage.

"oh yeah...I've got stage four cancer"

"WHAT?!"

you know what's sexy?

having only one real boob.

you know what's not sexy?

hot flashes.

How am I supposed to attract Prince Charming while still in MENOPAUSE?

(Honestly it would probably help if I cared a little bit more about trying to attract PC...i've become lazy and indifferent.)

my room has been roped off by caution tape this week due to reorganizing, unpacking, and general cleaning mayhem. I feel like my future is like that.

reorganizing, packing and repacking, picking up pieces of (cheesy line approaching) hopes and dreams and making them fit into what Big Girl me is trying to do with her life post graduation.

being a grownup is an untidy business. luckily i like wading around in the mess.

Bells

Currently there are some bands out there that have names pertaining to Bells. there is the band Broken Bells (stellar music) and there is the band Sleigh Bells (not pertaining to Christmas). Other bell references usually conjure up Christmas Carols (a personal favorite “Jingle Bell Rock”). Or maybe you think of Bell and think of Saved by the Bell and how cute Zack Morris was (or Screech if he’s more your type).

Technically the Dictionary defines a Bell as:

–noun

1. a hollow instrument of cast metal, typically cup-shaped with a flaring mouth, suspended from the vertex and rung by the strokes of a clapper, hammer, or the like.

(I deleted 2 and 3…they were not relevant)

4. the large end of a funnel, or the end of a pipe, tube, or any musical wind instrument, when its edge is turned out and enlarged.

But I define a Bell much differently. To me they are a species of best friend. They are intelligent, beautiful, outspoken, opinionated, persistent, and loyal. They are funny and witty, yet serious and hardworking. So imagine when there are TWO of them. One on either side of you. Arguing a very valid point, expressing concern in a way that makes you afraid to argue. (Taylor Von Trap I'm talking to you) What do you do? What do you say? Because you know they only want what's best for you. and they want the best because they Love you.

Let’s start at the beginning. Four weeks ago was my monthly oncology appointment. As soon as Dr. K sat down he looked like he had a lot to say. My tumor marker was still refusing to go down. It looked as though Hormonal Treatment and I were about to part ways as he began delving a little deeper into possibly switching to a Chemotherapy based treatment.

Here is how the conversation went…

Dr. K- I want you to do chemotherapy

Me- Dude you’re killing me.

Rewind to my initial diagnosis and remember my absolute refusal to not have my beautiful, long, silky, sun-kissed, wavy locks. Double this seeing as graduation was May 7^th, Amy’s wedding is May 22^nd, Bonnaroo is June 10^th, and Mary Adelaide’s wedding is June 19^th. There will be a ridiculous amount of pictures taken. I’m already kinda weird as is. Why add to my freak show with a baldhead? It just isn’t happening. Not on my watch. No siree.

Here is where he added in that I could do chemotherapy in Pill form. I could continue trying to finally get my college degree, I could keep working at PT’s, I could look pretty in all the pictures and STILL fight cancer. Whoo Hoo.

So I began taking Xeloda the following Friday and here is how it works…

Three pills in the morning. Three pills in the evening. I must take them at the same time everyday. I must take them within thirty minutes of eating. Dose one is at 9am. Dose two is at 7pm. As of yet I have had no side effects. I take it for 14 days then I get 7 days off. Then they mail me another bottle and the cycle starts all over again.

Also, I will stop getting the Lupron shot. This means my ovaries will turn back on, hot flashes should cease to exist, and menopause will wait for a couple more decades before haunting me again.

The following weekend was Amy’s Bachelorette in Myrtle Beach. I now have a legit tan.

The next weekend (this past weekend…we’re catching up to the present) was Graduation Weekend. I was allowed to clothe myself in the purple cap and gown and walk across the stage. It only took seven years. Oh, and I still have one summer session left until I have a degree. My wonderful family roadtripped it to Greenville for the occasion. Thank you to:

Myra, Christy, Darren, Chuck, Gail, Colby, Grandma, Papa, Stacy, Lindsey, Jennifer, Dad and Mom (even though I know mom doesn’t read these) for (cheesy thank you ahead…you can skip if you’re uninterested) all the love and support a 25 year old cancer patient would need to finally make it through her senior year. I love you guys. As luck would have it I sat in the Aisle seat only a row ahead of the fam. Dad and I occasionally whispered to one another we were that close. Every time I turned around 8 different cameras (and a video camera) were all immediately picked up to take another photo. I sat through our ceremony picking at my cuticles worrying, not about tripping, or how my toes hurt, but about the future. Am I ready? Am I prepared enough? And as my name was called I walked across the stage passing professors who went out of their way to help me in my quest for a degree, smiling for photos that I knew were being taken, hoping my ears weren’t sticking out from under my cap in a weird elf-like way and knowing that the future and I will rumble some other time. I had some celebrating to do. Because along with my family, the Deaver sisters had also made the trip to see me graduate and to help me celebrate in a more age appropriate fashion. (not at Ruby Tuesday eating broccoli off Lindsey’s plate.)

Also graduating that day was my fellow cancer survivor and GF, Taylor Bell. So the Deaver sisters and the Bell sisters and I got to spend some time together. Saturday afternoon while watching the discovery channel, it was some show about catching swordfish (dangerous business) I found myself on the couch with Taylor to my Left and Mary Adelaide to my Right. I’m not sure how it happened by my current treatment was somehow brought to the forefront of conversation. (It may have been MA petting me or perhaps it was me complaining about my armpit)

They wanted to know why I wasn’t doing the chemo that is done via vein…especially since it works faster. I mentioned my hair, and quality of life and they mentioned shaving their heads in solidarity. It wasn’t a long conversation but it felt long to me because I honestly didn’t know how to respond to their questions and concerns. (I will be asking a million questions at my appointment Friday should this ever happen again). There is so much happening in the world of science. What treatment is best? What does that treatment do exactly? Why are we doing this one over that one? Are the risks and side effects ever worth it? Does this work just as well? AHHHHH my poor head is about to explode.

And I know that Mary Adelaide checks my blog. So I just wanted to say one thing to her. (Taylor too if she’s reading by chance):

I love you. And I’m doing everything I can to win this fight. Don’t you worry, you’ll be having to put up with me and my antics for years to come.

I won

So i have much to catch you up on. There have been some ups. There have been some downs. There have been some even downer downs. But first I want to share a paragraph from the book I am reading with you. As I was reading it I immediately felt my heart make a connection with what the narrator was saying.

On the girl's brown legs there were many small white scars. I was thinking, Do those scars cover the whole of you, like the stars and the moons on your dress? I thought that would be pretty too, and I ask you right here please to agree with me that a scar is never ugly. That is what the scar makers want us to think. But you and I, we must make an agreement to defy them. We must see all scars as beauty. Okay? This will be our secret. Because take it from me, a scar does not form on the dying. A scar means, I survived.

I read that last line and felt my heart surge with gratitude that someone else recognized the same things I did within the white or pink or red lines that decorate my chest. Most of my scars are hidden, so the average passerby does not know or see the trophies I carry for winning the battle. Because really, that's what this is...a war. And every battle takes some sort of toll on me. Some seen. Some not. And I try to not let the battles weigh on me and my attitude too much. But sometimes I get tired of having to fight so hard just to have one day that I'm not tired, one day that something doesn't hurt, one day without a doctor appointment, one day without thinking about cancer.

Today has been that day.

I woke up today and I felt good.

Something so many people take for granted everyday. I wish I could go back to "good" being the norm...but lately more often than not I feel like not getting out of bed.

Let me give you a recap of what has been going on cancer-wise.

A few months ago my tumor marker number started to creep back up. slowly at first, then it became a steady climb upwards, it eventually passed the number that we started at back in 2008. The doctor took this as a sign that maybe it was time to quit the Tamoxifen. (He's a smart man.) It did it's job for quite some time but if you'll recall i was a poor processor and wasn't really getting the full benefit of the medicine from the beginning. So as with most medicines my body became used to it and eventually the meds weren't working. So six weeks ago we changed to Femara. This medicine seems to be more common amongst other breast cancer survivors and has a smaller set of side effects. The main one being joint aches.

So during the first week i was on Femara i was having a serious sleeping problem. As in I was sleeping the majority of my day away. I could not get enough sleep. If i was awake I wanted to be sleeping...if i was sleeping I stayed that way for hours and hours.

As a student and a restaurant manager this is a very ANNOYING state of being.

Then I went on Spring Break. (my last one EVER)

First I drove to Chapel Hill to collect chrissy and relocate into her automobile.

Equipped with my new Garmin we made our way north towards Baltimore. Of course hilarity insued during our hours trapped inside the salsa red toyota (insert toyata recall joke here).

for chrissy: Totes-nift. Joe likes Mountain Dew. CRAZY TOWN.

We reached Brad and Aaron's with little trouble.

Baltimore Highlights: Harbor is beautiful. Barnes and Noble is a three story warehouse. Best italian food of all time. Wii Bowling wars...at least the guys didn't completely dominate. Magic show not so awesome. Other bar awesome. We have no keys.

Then we headed off to the mountains of New Jersey to see a baby. (and some more of Chrissy's family.)

Then we continued on to Brooklyn. NY recap

Wine party at Kate and Leah's. Day drinking and games at a bar. Lunch with Aaron. Dinner at Chelsea Pier Brewery (awesome cherry beer). Shopping. Tim Burton exhibit at MoMA (he was off his rocker at a young age). Phantom of the Opera front row seats (no show will ever top this). I slept as much as possible (this is out of sequence). Had lunch with Caitlin (yay!). Never made it to closing time.

Then Chrissy drove me to DC.

DC recap. Delicious burgers with Mark and Alli. Spent entire next day on the couch in the dark with Alli (it was amazing). Polli and Heather came. We went out danced all night to great band. Next day went on Saint Patrick's Day bus tour slash pub crawl with Alli and Sarah Polli. BEST AFTERNOON EVER. First sign of this were the mimosas we had at bar one.

Then Chrissy picked me up and we drove back to NC.

for Chrissy: out of bananas? nope out of smoothie ingredients. Geoffrey. Geoffrey hates us. an ingrid sing a long. Need you now. JASON DERULO. I love you.

That monday after spring break i was in wilm because of the Bone scan and CT scan I was scheduled to have. as you all know...there is no eating before the ct scan. and they make you drink that disgusting sludge that is berry flavored. so naturally that morning i was starving. I think i actually asked for some hot dogs at 8:3o in the morning. The nurse gives me the rundown of how the ct works and i think i mention something about this not being my first rodeo. Not even my second. Maybe my third or fourth.

we continue with the predictable when she is aghast at my age. and my diagnosis.

yes. i know that i'm 25, yes i know that i have breast cancer. no i do not have a family history.

these appointments all go the same. CT scan ends. Time for the nuclear waste shot for my bone scan. I go home for two hours. I go back get the scan that takes FOREVER. but you have all read about a bone scan before. So i'll just say that it still feels like that thing is going to crush my skull in and i'll be a goner before they know what is happening.

Back to school and that Friday I get my scan results.

You know it's going to be one of those days when he begins with

"well it could have been worse."

WHAT?!

yes, that is true. It could always be worse I suppose. But is that really supposed to brighten my day? Make me feel better? Hell no. Not even close.

"the good news is it hasn't moved to any vital organs"

Aren't all organs VITAL?! This is me quickly compiling a list of all unvital organs.

it seems to be quite short. this is again NOT helpful.

So he talks about the bone tumors...yes we know there is one on my right upper arm. yes there is one on my right back rib. oh wait there's a new one on my right pelvis bone (hip area). and oh hello another on my left armpit lymph node. well, isn't that lovely.

solves the mystery of the shooting pain in my hip when i walk long distances.

and i can't feel that armpit anyway because of the mastectomy. so yay.

it could have been worse. and it could have been on vital things. whoo.

this is where you can insert my frustration. my anger. my finger shaking. my clenched fists. my eye rolling. my kicking at imaginary objects. my arms crossing defiantly. my sarcasm barreling forward full steam ahead.

but nothing comes of any of these things.

fruitless. all of these gestures. if only sarcasm could cure cancer....i'd be so cancer free it would be ridiculous!

ok so the Femara and I got along ok until last tuesday when I woke up with pain all over the place. my back, arms, shoulders, neck, head, stomach, chest....it was terrible.

couldn't eat, couldn't sleep (my two favorite past times...life was awful) this lasted for a full week. and you know what happened when I woke up today?

I felt AWESOME.

I feel AWESOME.

my professors noticed. I noticed. I am not a walking zombie. I am awake and alert.

I am feeling like the old me. the uncancery one. I got to talk to Hannah and Chrissy today for an extended period of time. The sun is shining. Life is looking pretty good. HIGH FIVES ALL AROUND!

Today I won the battle.

its only a quarter or two dimes and a nickel

I recently had a birthday. And i heard the same things every time someone heard that i was twenty five.

"oh that's a quarter of a century"

"do you feel old"

"how does it feel to be a quarter of a century?"

it feels pretty damn awesome.

I know i talk about the fact my cancer is stage four a lot in my blogs. Probably because I don't talk about it at all in real life. It's depressing and morbid and any person in their right mind would try to forget about that tiny detail. So it gets glossed over and pushed to the back of minds but on days like January 25th when I am celebrating another year of life I am grateful. I am grateful for every day (even the sucky ones). And I will take everyday that's given to me. And I will try to live them the way I think God would want me to.

This excludes days like last week when I did a lot of staying in bed because I had a terrible cold and sinus infection. And days where I am in a bad mood with a even badder attitude.

But most of them I try to live to the fullest. Honestly.

Hey you read the last post...I've got some accomplishments to accomplish.

Moving on to the latest cancer news

just a warning it's not the best of news

so over the past few months my tumor marker has been behaving badly.

it keeps creeping up and the last time it doubled. So the morning of my birthday Dr. K called (obscenely early) and to tell me that the tumor marker had doubled and that he was thinking about changing my medicine but wanted to do one last blood test to see if this high tumor marker was just a fluke. Did the blood test friday morning and actually just got the voicemail about an hour ago that the marker was still high and that he wanted to call the specialist at UNC to see what she had to say before changing me from tamoxifen to something else.

So here's hoping that these docs make good decisions.

and that I can catch up on all the schoolwork I missed this past week....

I have REAL issues but no RESOLUTIONS

So another year is upon us and I'd like to say that with that new year comes a new outlook...

however, I am pretty fond of my current outlook so i see no reason to change it.

As I am frequently told much to my chagrin, I have a wonderful outlook and attitude and am an inspiration to many.

Thank heavens this is mostly by accident...my carefree lifestyle has come in handy for once. Meaning, i'm rolling with the punches and trying to keep a smile on my face (for the most part anyway) Because as much as I can't change what has happened to me since August of 2008, I can change how it affects my life. And I'm hoping that it affects it for the better or the positive or for the half is glass full side of things.

I just reread that.

Switch half and glass and the sentence should make much more sense.

I spoke to my friend Misha on the phone last night and he asked if I had made any resolutions for the new year...so off the cuff I named the obvious "graduate from college (finally)" and he pointed out that that would only take until may and that still left over half of the year...So today while I was sitting on the couch eating my aunt Myra's cookies I thought about what I would like to accomplish this year.

Now the fact that I have stage four cancer is not lost on me. I try to treat everyday like the gift that it is. No one is guaranteed a tomorrow.

With that said...Ten Accomplishments I would like to Accomplish Are:

Accomplishment #1 - Don't Die from Cancer

Accomplishment #2 - Don't Die from Anything Cancer Related

Accomplishment #3 - Become Pirate Alumni

Accomplishment #4 - Move out of my parents' house

Accomplishment #5 - Try really hard to not just move in with my Grandma

Accomplishment #6 - Wash my feet every night while at Bonnaroo (the mud buildup last year was heinous)

Accomplishment #7 - Reconnect with a few choice people that really need reconnecting

Accomplishment #8 - Go on a real Spring Break (Girls Gone Wild Style)

Accomplishment #9 - Pursue jobs, especially ones that seem too far out of reach

Accomplishment #10 - Have the most kickass Bachelorette parties for Mary Adelaide and Amy

They all seem very doable. Which I feel will work in my favor.

So, I have two boobs...again.

Surgery number two was on the 21st of December and was a cakewalk compared to the first one. That monday went a little something like this.

I woke up having one of the best hairdays of my life...I hope the anesthesioligist (spelling is wrong) and nurses enjoyed being the ones to see it.

When called back to go into my little curtained cubbie there was a girl is spongebob footie pajamies.

The nurse asked about veins...I said good luck. She said I'll need it. Found one in my hand, used it. I said it hurts. She said they usually do if in the hand. This was accompanied by her smoothing the tape down ontop of the needle digging it further into my hand. PAINFUL. had a bruise for a week.

Plastic Surgeon arrived and drew on me in marker.

Went into surgery.

45 Minutes later was out of surgery back in my cubbie. This time there was a girl crying and screaming in the cubbie next door. I kindly asked if someone would "shut that kid up."

Apparently I asked repeatedly. And not very nicely...whoops.

I then tried to stick my pointer fingers in my ears. Was unable to get finger into left ear due to the clip thing they had on it. So i asked mom or Chrissy to stick their finger in my ear. Apparently Chrissy tried recommending using any of the other fingers on that hand to do the job. I just kept trying to get my pointer finger in there. I then asked for my Dad knowing that he would put his finger in my ear...and when he got there...He did.

That is love. Sticking your finger in your kid's ear.

Anyway, found out the crying kid was the spongebob pj kid...still asked for her to pipe down as i was being wheeled to the car.

In the car, sitting in the backseat wearing my aviators asking for hot chocolate from PCJ and guess what happens. My favorite Christmas song comes on the radio. Mariah Carey...All I Want For Christmas Is You. And obviously I sing along. And obviously my dad records it on his cell phone.

That is also love. Recording your high as a kite kid singing mariah badly.

FALSE....that is not love. That is blackmail.

Anyway, we went home and chrissy and I had the traditional thin crust pepperoni pizza hut pizza and breadsticks before I fell asleep.

The next day dad and I hit up a couple doc appointments and the next day I stopped taking the heavy duty meds because it was making me itchy. Hot flashes plus Itchy do not equal a happy Kim. So the next day mom let me drive to do my christmas shopping. Since in typical Kim fashion I put it off...not thinking about, you know, SURGERY or anything.

But it got done and we had a wonderful Christmas. It should be a crime how blessed I am to have this family. Because they are the cream of the crop, the bee's knees, the best and so on and so forth. (Can't rave for too long...their egos are far too large as it is) But you get it. So yes Christmas was a completely successful endeavor.

I can also say the same for New Years.

Chrissy and I decided to head to Chapel Hill and do our own thing at our favorite bar on Franklin. So with the help of Brad, David and Amy we rang in the new year...then spent the next two days on her couch watching season one of True Blood.

But the holiday is over and Tomorrow I begin another grueling week of serving up the best burgers in wilmington before heading back to Greenville for what is Hopefully my last semester of College!

Hope you all were as Blessed this holiday season as I was.

And I'll let you guys know how taking Tennis goes.

My Happy Place

So you know how when something unpleasant is happening they (usually doctors) tell you to go to your happy place.
For most i think it involves someone scantily clad on a pristine beach slowly jogging towards the sunset (or maybe I'm just thinking baywatch, but whatever)
Anyway I'm sure if asked you would have a pretty clear cut vision of something exotic that would be your very own happy place.

My place is not exotic. It is not imaginary. It isn't even far away.
I'm actually in my happy place right now. No it isn't bed. or the beach.
It's a place I can go and be surrounded by the things i love. It's a place where I can be alone or with others if I choose.
It smells good, it is comfortable. It is Barnes and Noble.

It began when I was a young child.
Books a Million just wasn't good enough.
I asked to go to Barnes and Noble as often as possible. And I would sit for HOURS in front of my favorite shelf (usually resulting in my legs falling asleep) and read books until it was time to leave. Even now If i enter through the twin sets of double doors I have a very hard time walking out empty handed. I've headed there after more than just a couple doctor appointments to walk the aisles to get my thoughts together. I can't help it. I'm a nerd. I love books. and I HAVE to own them. not borrow, or check out from a library, I like owning my OWN copies. there are usually more than just a few stacks piled in corners in my room, under the bed, on the table, on the floor, under the windows, in the storage closet on two metal bookcases stacked from floor to ceiling.
And I read almost anything...from trashy romance to classic literature to best sellers to vampire series (not twilight Bella is obnoxious, I prefer Anita Blake and Sookie Stackhouse). I'm currently reading On the Road by Jack Kerouac my favorites have gone from the babysitters club, to nancy drew, to nora roberts, to anything with words written on pages.

Favorites:
The sun also rises
The world according to garp
Catch-22
The heart is a lonely hunter
The Road
Water for Elephants
Atonement
Pride and Prejudice
The Perks of being a wallflower
She's come undone
Beloved
The fountainhead
Even cowgirls get the blues
The time traveler's wife
catcher in the rye
the princess bride
body surfing
the memory keepers daughter
widow for one year
the pilot's wife
Their eyes were watching God
to kill a mockingbird
The great gatsby
slaughterhouse five
all the kings men
brideshead revisited
and etc........


actually the list of books i was never able to get into is probably shorter
Heart of Darkness
and anything Faulkner

anyway...you get the point. I like books. and reading.

I'm now using Barnes and Noble as my study place. Or at the moment as my place to Blog.

OK on to recent happenings.

MEGAN and KYLE got married on Saturday. And it was beautiful. Seriously.

The ballroom where the reception was held was breathtaking. And Megan looked beautiful of course. and Kyle was pretty handsome himself. And it was wonderful to see most of my ECU best friends in one place. The fab four (Megan, Hannah, Amy and I) had not been together in quite sometime. And as always we had a pretty freakin awesome good time. I will not bore you with our shananigans except to say that if you let Eric drive make sure he isn't trying to download music at the same time.

Also my mom wanted me to add some info about the fundraiser Sunday night at Reel Cafe for me and Victoria (who has non-hodgkins lymphoma) there's a band (soulbeam i believe) and proceeds are going to be split between us. I think it starts at 6 or 7 and I WILL be in attendance and it ends at 10. And it should be a good time...I think there is also an article about it in This weeks Encore.

The Lovely Kathy Jordan is putting this fundraiser together and is pretty awesome. So hopefully I'll see you out there.

Also very quickly mary adelaide and I had a Brothers and Sisters marathon on sunday and I am getting kinda annoyed with how tv show keep giving their characters cancer. (another example grey's anatomy) sigh. It's just a pain to see how all these characters are portrayed as being pretty close to death. or they die and then come back to life. Can't they just be happy cancer patients? is that an oxymoron? I don't think so.

The Cookie of Doom and The Great Boot Debacle

Monday September 14th a day that came after one of the most terrible experiences of my life.

Let me start at the beginning...

I only have class Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. Which is super awesome. I have 4 day weekends, I'm out of school more than I'm in it. This means it's completely worth the two hour drive to either go home or head to Chapel Hill to visit Chrissy (other BFFs also come as an added bonus) However, i'm a PT's-aholic and absolutely Must work.

So September 10th I worked my first shift at PT's Chapel Hill. It's a completely different restaurant (and fully stocked - open until 2 am bar) Lots of cool people work there.

My other shift was Saturday Night. This doesn't sound like a big deal until you realize i worked until 11 thursday night, went out with the Deaver sisters Fri and was out way too late, then i worked saturday night, made the mistake of attempting outness and failed miserably. Went home and packed and woke up at 6 am to drive back to Greenville.

Why? (Good Question)

Because I had a team building challenge course at 9 am for my adv studio production class.

That's why.

How'd I like it?

I didn't. It was awful.

Have we met?

I don't do outdoors, I don't do physical activity, I don't do outgoing and talking to people I don't know.

However, Luckily I have cancer.

So i was exempt from most activities because they involved swinging from a rope, or climbing a tower which was not going to happen because i can't extend my left arm completely over my head yet...

I'd say damn stitches.

But secretly I was incredibly grateful to have them.

(another time having cancer has come in handy) (yes i'm milking this for all its worth)

(why have cancer if i can't use it to get out of stuff i really don't want to do)

So after this challenge course I drove home because i had a Plastic Surgeon appointment monday morning to begin the expanding process.

So let's discuss this expanding thing...

Don't know about you guys but i was kinda curious as to how the process was going to work...if they poked a needle into the expander wouldn't it kinda maybe leak inside of my boob after removing the needle? Were they going to cut a hole (Another one?!) in me kinda like the drain thing but the reverse?

Well it does involve a needle and syringe (BIGGEST I HAVE EVER SEEN!)

it was huge. i actually slapped a hand across my eyes so i could stop looking at it.

(let's recall my huge needle hangup)

well the nurse holds my hand and then Dr. PS takes this magnet finding thing and runs it over my chest over by my armpit, apparently finds the thing he's looking for (magnet) presses down and the finder puts an indented X on me.

He says "X marks the spot"

I have a small heart attack and squeeze my eyes shut

and before i know it he says its in...and i realize i didn't feel a damn thing.

Apparently there is another small port in front of the magnet that leads to the expander (so no leaks!) and the magnet keeps it from going to far in.

HECK YEAH for modern medical miracles.

Then I spent as much time in Wilmington until my mom forced me to get into my car that night and drive back to greenville. where I had class for three days then hightailed it back to Chapel Hill thursday night to work...Saw MA Bell friday evening, worked the ECU/UNC game with Joe P and Joe I proceeded to do the college student thing drown my losing sorrows in beer, worked Sunday and then Chrissy returned that night...Then the coolest thing EVER!

Monday night Chrissy, Jamie and I went to Cat's Cradle and saw Ingrid Michaelson.

Now most of you won't know who she is.

She sings a few songs from Grey's Anatomy

Her new CD came out recently (and its BADASS)

Ms. Michaelson is hilarious. such a good live show!

and afterwards we totally got to MEET HER. She had her arm around me in our group photo.

Totally the Coolest Thing EVER! (Seriously, it was)

Friday I have a general surgeon check-up and my monthly Oncology appointment with Dr. K and Becca.

ps (PEPPER!)

i <3>