From Beefy to Biffy

ok let me explain what was a teeny bit of a source of inspiration for my last blog.

Mary Adelaide is having a baby. a GIRL baby. And that beautiful baby (saw 3-d video and even at 9 ounces and looking slightly like she just stepped off a UFO, she is still beautiful.) is going to be so loved by her mom's best friends.

Her BFFs if you will. Best Friends Forever. it sounds so cheesy, so middle school. But it just happens to be what we are. So when the news of MA's pregnancy reached The Usuals (we like naming ourselves...it is comprised of Me, Chrissy, MA, Michelle, Drew and Taylor) immediately began looking for nicknames for the gift that the stork brought Mary Adelaide and Mike. Chrissy's email was first (iPhone addiction) and after tossing out a few ideas mentioned BFFY.

Best Friend Forever's Young.

Pronounced BEEFY. Jokingly.

Until I also e-mailed and cemented Beefy as a term of endearment.

Then we found out it was a girl. and Beefy for a girl would have become incredibly traumatizing and she would have stopped loving her Aunt Usuals. and had severe esteem issues I'm sure.

So we switched up the vowel and got Biffy.

Alas, we are not strange. We'd already planned on calling MA Bink whenever she became a grandmother and she was throwing the name Grimes out there as a possibility for the Baby. Biffy in comparison is really not that bad. But only we can call it Biffy. Get your own nicknames for the baby.

I cannot wait for this baby. The first in a new generation of Usuals...a Usualette, if you will. it's like the movie Ya-Ya Sisterhood...when she's old enough we'll tell her about all the crazy things her mom did then make her wear a silly hat. YAY. We are well on our way to becoming grown-ups. This past weekend The Usuals (minus Drew, who was very very missed) went to the outer banks for one last beach weekend before Taylor starts her new job, Chrissy goes back to law school, and soon MA will have birthed a child and can no longer just pick up and go when she wants. Ugh responsibility is starting to weigh upon us. And it is soooo heavyyyy.

luckily I have been able to cast it aside for one last summer of fun before heading towards the real world. (this may seem to be in contradiction with my last post but my moods are like the tides...changing daily, then changing back again)

In the car on the way to and from the beach Chrissy and I said a lot of things to one another (obviously...it is called conversation) that resonated with me all of tonight. And in my present cancery state gave me some ideas to chew on.

1. we touched briefly on religion. I said, "I think if I didn't believe in God I would be a very angry person." Now, I'm thinking that most people would probably guess that I would be angry WITH God. Not angry without him. But in the midst of all of the bad things that have happened I've been blessed with so many GOOD things. Like family, friends, BABIES, opening my eyes every morning to a new day, laughing until I cry...If I were keeping tabs the positives would certainly outweigh the negatives in my life. and I think I have God to thank for that.

2. Life is too short to not be Happy. Seriously.

3. A friend is easy to find. A good friend is even harder. A best friend is a rarity meant to be treasured. As we get older we find its the Quality and not the Quantity that matters. I must be one of God's favorites (i mean really why wouldn't I be...I'm pretty awesome) bc he gave me Chrissy, Mary Adelaide AND Hannah as best friends. that's as close to the holy trinity as you can get in the best friend forever department. Read through past blogs...those are friends that are there for you no matter what. Like when you get diagnosed with Stage Four Cancer and they race to wilmington as soon as they are able, plan cancerversaries with delish cupcakes and cookie cakes with balloons, stay at the hospital overnight smuggling cookies and show up before the moon has left the sky to give you a pre-surgery hug (or attempt to.). Their displays of support and love have been unparalleled.

However, I hope that I have been just as there for them as they have been for me. Because that is really what makes a BFF a forever friend. Reciprocality. Compromise.

it was a long drive...can you tell?

All I wanted to say was that Biffy marks a certain milestone in our lives. A crossover from college graduates into adult-dom. A cross from Beefy to Biffy. we're maturing.

since Biffy is such a mature name for our future BFFY.

an untidy future

Little Girls do a lot of the following:

(or at least I did)

1. playing house...usually involves a kitchen set of some sort and an apron

2. gearing up for the fairy tale ending...something to do with prince charming and feet sweeping

3. walking around with Dolls...in my case barbies, wasn't big on dolls...but they were dressed, fed, enjoying pool parties and their corvette, and dating ken.

Big Girls do a lot of the following:

(or at least attempt)

1. trying to find a suitable place to work and live, some place of my own with a big closet.

2. wondering if every dude encountered could be THE prince charming

3. listening to the ticks of the biological clock.

Cancer has made all of the above much more complicated than I would care to admit. Or even would admit out loud. And i'd appreciate no one actually talking about this post with me in person. Lately I've felt the effects cancer will have on my future more keenly.

and I am also aware of how skewed my personal perspective is. but this is how I feel about my future. and the picture one normally has of what their future will be.

I've always envisioned that I would have kids. and we'd be like the Gilmore Girls (with a much wider age gap). Fast, witty talkers that are pretty and avid readers with good musical taste.

But you know what you need to produce offspring?

a dude.

pleasant to look at, smart, funny, doesn't like long walks, but does enjoy doing dishes, appreciates good literature and bad acting, doesn't mind that I only like pepperoni on my pizza and cannot cook, does not talk during movies unless I initiate conversation, knows who Rivers Cuomo is, loves the ocean, gets along with Chrissy, Loves my family and etc.

(Fairly certain this guy does not exist)

I wage an internal war daily on the topic of dating.

Yes, boyfriends aren't that bad. And can probably reach things in cabinets that I can't

but

I've got cancer. slap a damaged sticker across my forehead please.

Boyfriends make excellent dates to things.

but

I'm busy trying to kickstart a big girl future for myself.

seriously, who would want to date me? I'm all cancery and stuff.

talk about some heavy baggage.

"oh yeah...I've got stage four cancer"

"WHAT?!"

you know what's sexy?

having only one real boob.

you know what's not sexy?

hot flashes.

How am I supposed to attract Prince Charming while still in MENOPAUSE?

(Honestly it would probably help if I cared a little bit more about trying to attract PC...i've become lazy and indifferent.)

my room has been roped off by caution tape this week due to reorganizing, unpacking, and general cleaning mayhem. I feel like my future is like that.

reorganizing, packing and repacking, picking up pieces of (cheesy line approaching) hopes and dreams and making them fit into what Big Girl me is trying to do with her life post graduation.

being a grownup is an untidy business. luckily i like wading around in the mess.