Saturday, March 28, 2009

YOU are my shrink.

well. hi. Today i don't really have a cancer update...more of a life update. My next doc appointment isn't until friday...well actually i have an appointment on Monday with a shrink. a counselor. a pychiatrist (sp). a female listener. whatever you want to call it. I'm not sure if i mentioned in my last blog that my mom really wanted me to talk to someone about all that i had going on. and apparently my blog doesn't count as venting or talking or getting things off my chest. so as much as i'd like to think that my shrink just happens to be those who feel the need to read my ramblings...i am wrong according to my mother.

So this shrink lady is either going to be a really bad idea or a really good one. (i'll let you know after monday)

Also, a week and a half ago i got my new wheels. 06 Jeep Liberty of the silver variety.
It doesn't have a name yet but i'm getting a feel for it...For those interested Gilbert is sitting sadly under a tree. I will probably shed real tears when he's gone for good. (LOTS of good times in Gilbert, he's been loyal for 8 whole years...well when he wasn't breaking down on I-40 or smoking his way down highway 11... He's only been in one accident that i still blame on TJ and until recently had all of his hubcaps.) Jess and Chrissy probably spent the most time in my cherished taurus...its been the setting for tears and laughter...water fights and makeouts (not with jess or chrissy to clarify) i'm feeling sentimental.

Last Sunday I got a tattoo. Yep. A real one. Chrissy and I got matching pink ribbons on our left wrists. Rick at Cadillac Custom was incredibly generous with his time and extremely patient with two novices that had a firm idea of what they wanted their tattoo to look like in their mind. Poor guy sat with us for about an hour trying to iron out the details of the size and etc. Chrissy can be very demanding and detail oriented (without her this tattoo would have remained just a "good idea") And yes you're thinking to yourself "Kim got a tattoo? Doesn't she hate needles?"
Trust me...i was thinking the exact same thing...Luckily the needle thingy looks Nothing like an actual "the doctor is going to inject this thing into my vein" needle. So panic attack was kept at bay. I took a sip of wine, closed my eyes and sat really still for about 15 minutes. Then it was done. over. finished. and i was officially tatted up...Chrissy went second (which was good...her reaction would have had me running for the door) she laughed like a maniac ...which means that it hurt her. (i have some classic face pictures to use for blackmail now)
Basically this tattoo means that i can do anything.
you hear that?
I CAN DO ANYTHING!

i can get a tattoo with a severe hatred of needles.
it means that i can BEAT this stupid terrible horrific satanic grouping of abnormal cells.
i can fight. i can win.

and everytime i look down i'm reminded of that.
and i'm reminded that i'm not in this alone. My best friend has the exact same tattoo and she loves me enough to sit in that chair and have something permenantly marked on her body.
(i love you christine marie! and if these blogs ever become a book...you're getting a whole chapter to yourself plus a dedication)

Nothing else is really new. Relay for life is coming up (along with Jamie's wedding)

and My AKPsi brothers are being super awesome and having Just Cause 09 be a "kim's got cancer" thing. (it also means an ECU lovies reunion...YAY!)

see after writing this i'm feeling much better. i dont need a shrink.
maybe i'll pull a good will hunting and make some stuff up......

6 comments:

Kate Lord said...

i miss you kim!!!! big hugs, you are amazingly wonderful!

Hannah_is_Sassy said...

I knew you could do anything before you got the tatttttoooo! But do what you gotta do.

I want to hear how this shrink situation goes! She can't be a better listener (or as funny) than me!

Spolli said...

YAY for ecu lovies reunion! i can't WAIT to you and everyone else. but obviously you the most :) and i'm doing the tees - double yay!
love / miss you!

J. Haas said...

May Gilbert rest in peace. that wreck was 110% TJ's fault, no question. And if you want to tell people we made out, its ok with me.

The tattoo is just a symbol of the fact that you can do anything, we all knew that already.

Let me know when you make it to gville!

maGz said...

this message is coming to you from the 2nd to the last to know, jessanna being the last to know.. so at least i'm not where she's at! lol.. i hate that i'm just now learning of this. and i hate that you have cancer. but i love your blogs. seriously, all of them. especially the thong one! and i too had one of those moments with my mom, where i expressed how much "this fucking sucks" and she agreed. looking back, it was all that was said and just what i needed when i left my then-husband. i know divorce and cancer are not necessarily in the same boat, but they are both very life changing. and thats all this is, life changing.. putting things in perspective maybe, a time to grow. i'm so glad you're coping as well as it appears on your blogs. and i'm so glad that you have this amazing support group you speak so much of. i've seen a picture of chrissy's tat and i'm lovin it.. i'll be down there in a few weeks to see it in person! just wanted to send a little love and let you know i've thought about you all day..

J.Lee Photography said...

ok, so I wasn't originally a fan of tattoos, but you and Christine have changed my mind. I don't just like it, I love it. Seriously. You know what else I love? Changing Christine's iphone wallpaper to a pic of us and dancing to awesome bands at Hell's. For 5 seconds it was ECU all over again, minus the free shots...love you. mean it.