Tuesday, July 6, 2010

an untidy future

Little Girls do a lot of the following:
(or at least I did)
1. playing house...usually involves a kitchen set of some sort and an apron
2. gearing up for the fairy tale ending...something to do with prince charming and feet sweeping
3. walking around with Dolls...in my case barbies, wasn't big on dolls...but they were dressed, fed, enjoying pool parties and their corvette, and dating ken.

Big Girls do a lot of the following:
(or at least attempt)
1. trying to find a suitable place to work and live, some place of my own with a big closet.
2. wondering if every dude encountered could be THE prince charming
3. listening to the ticks of the biological clock.

Cancer has made all of the above much more complicated than I would care to admit. Or even would admit out loud. And i'd appreciate no one actually talking about this post with me in person. Lately I've felt the effects cancer will have on my future more keenly.

and I am also aware of how skewed my personal perspective is. but this is how I feel about my future. and the picture one normally has of what their future will be.

I've always envisioned that I would have kids. and we'd be like the Gilmore Girls (with a much wider age gap). Fast, witty talkers that are pretty and avid readers with good musical taste.
But you know what you need to produce offspring?
a dude.
pleasant to look at, smart, funny, doesn't like long walks, but does enjoy doing dishes, appreciates good literature and bad acting, doesn't mind that I only like pepperoni on my pizza and cannot cook, does not talk during movies unless I initiate conversation, knows who Rivers Cuomo is, loves the ocean, gets along with Chrissy, Loves my family and etc.
(Fairly certain this guy does not exist)
I wage an internal war daily on the topic of dating.

Yes, boyfriends aren't that bad. And can probably reach things in cabinets that I can't
I've got cancer. slap a damaged sticker across my forehead please.

Boyfriends make excellent dates to things.
I'm busy trying to kickstart a big girl future for myself.

seriously, who would want to date me? I'm all cancery and stuff.
talk about some heavy baggage.

"oh yeah...I've got stage four cancer"

you know what's sexy?
having only one real boob.

you know what's not sexy?
hot flashes.

How am I supposed to attract Prince Charming while still in MENOPAUSE?
(Honestly it would probably help if I cared a little bit more about trying to attract PC...i've become lazy and indifferent.)

my room has been roped off by caution tape this week due to reorganizing, unpacking, and general cleaning mayhem. I feel like my future is like that.
reorganizing, packing and repacking, picking up pieces of (cheesy line approaching) hopes and dreams and making them fit into what Big Girl me is trying to do with her life post graduation.

being a grownup is an untidy business. luckily i like wading around in the mess.


Mary Adelaide said...

I love you.

And if I were a dude, I'd date you.

J. Haas said...

Why don't you just move in with me and we can be aspiring-grown-ups-who-can't-find-decent-men together!!!

Christine said...

let's face it, if you took "gets along with Chrissy" off of that list you'd prob have a much easier time of it.


Stephanie Larson said...

Move up to DC with me and I'll make you milkshakes :) and watch Greek annnd do all of our favorite things...

Anonymous said...

Everyone is indifferent and lazy because we have to be in order to see through to the next day. You're enjoying every day to the fullest and that is what makes not only your life, but everyone's daily life even better. Keep on smiling and enjoying life to the fullest Kim.

I did have to Google Rivers Cuomo though.