Friday, August 29, 2008

Going through the Big C and i don't mean Cancer

ok so we last left off with me heading into the wild beyond for my PET scan.
first things first...there was not a nurse satan. (thank heavens) howeverrrrr
there was a Nurse almost McHottie. he would have been hot. had he not been a nurse.
he did not stab me. one stift stab at the wrist and TA-DA! needle neatly inserted with NO TEARS! (see it can be done) however it was filled with radioactive glucose. i could end up turning into a super hero. i'll leave you guys to come up with possible superhero names...

so the pet scan goes smoothly. i go by PTs for some fries and to get a Joey P fix since i miss my boss A LOT! and as much as i know at that time of day none of my regulars will be there i was secretly hoping that maybe at least one would be sitting at the bar. bc honestly...i miss my regulars...i hope wesley isn't cheating on his fries and that someone is remembering bob likes his burger well done. (pathetic i know...but they're like an extended family). but i digress.

after PTs i go home to hang before the big C. C for CUT. as in HAIR CUT. dreading it. horribly.

we get to karen and mom gets hers cut first. then its my turn. she starts to snip. i start to sniffle. eventually sniffling turns into a meltdown (its funny now...it was NOT funny then) which turns into me shoving all hands away from anywhere near me and stuffing my hair into a ponytail and basically bolting out of the place. Poor Karen! now that i've gotten used to it...its not too bad. it actually looks ok. its just way shorter than anything i'm used to. that turned into another night that i didn't speak to anyone. well that's a lie. my mom answered my phone and i eventually called some people back.

Thursday was the port placement surgery. they ask a bunch of questions, do a pregnancy test (negative in case you were interested), then stick me with a needle courtesy of...nurse satan (another one... i know!)...the really interesting thing is that in order to have this sugery i had to be completely naked. i would have rather been able to at least wear my underwear. so i get the special juice and wake up hungry (had not eaten since 10 the night before) surprise surprise...craving some pizza and in painnnnnnn.

ps Hannah is here so these stories are now going to be reader digest versions

i get pain pills. my mom springs me from the joint. and we race home so that i can have some thin crust pepperoni pizza and bread sticks from pizza hut. Chrissy and Dustin come over for a while until my prescription meds send me off to la-la land. then i doze on and off the rest of the night.

finally to fridayyyyy which is HANNAH is coming to town day!
or less famously known as MRI day. also TODAY.

go to the hospital mri unit. immediately dislike both people working the desk. i go to the back and they give me double X L scrubs to put on in a disgusting maroon color. then i meet a man. a man who turns out to be a huge jackass. (pardon my language) but he was. and i told my mom that too. and i'm trying to explain my needle hangups and he's not really listening...basically i keep getting the placating and patronizing "we use small needles...blah blah blah" and i'm trying to tell him that Every nurse has used small needles...and guess what? there are tears 99.9 percent of the time. but he obviously has more important things to worry about on his friday afternoon...like where he should roofie college girls on his hot night out with his loser friends...

anyway. i get my head stuffed into the contraption and i would describe the inside of it to you but i had my eyes closed the whole time for sanity purposes. so three quarters of the way through they pull me out of the white tube and decide it is time to inject the dye. sooo nurse inept (a female) tries my left hand. fails. tries my right hand. fails. i am crying. nurse jackass comes to help. fails. they call down another nurse. we wait 10 minutes. two women enter...and i love them! one finds a vein...no problem. and wha- la! i'm almost done.

hours later i find myself sitting at my computer reflecting back on my week of daily testing and stabbing. and i come to this conclusion.


i am never being a blood donor.


hannah's patiently waiting for me to finish so she can read it.

3 comments:

Jennifer W. Meyers said...

What?? A mention of the pizza, but not the yummie BBQ? I'm hurt! :) It was great to see you today. The hair looks pretty awesome, depite the drama. Have a great weekend.

Stacy B said...

My favorite quote... I laughed soo hard when I read this...

"but he obviously has more important things to worry about on his friday afternoon...like where he should roofie college girls on his hot night out with his loser friends..."


hahahaha soo funny!

Alli B said...

"but I digress."

I knew you'd quote him eventually.

see you in 2 weeks!