Wednesday, August 27, 2008

I said the F word in front of my mother

so yesterday was the first really terrible day i've had since this whole debacle began.

i wasn't allowed to eat starting at 945 or have anything to drink...and i'm sure you all know me rather well and are aware of my extreme love of all things needless to say i arrived at my appointment with a growling stomach and a cranky attitude. The nurse calls my name, i go through the big double doors and sit in the chair by this contraption that looks like it could be a portal to some black hole in space. I am THEN informed i have to drink more of the hellacious concoction (this time vanilla flavored...just as terrible!) then i lay on the table thingy that will transport me in and out of space and am terrified to find that they have to inject me with something.

when i had staph infections i had to endure a lot of needles
when i stepped on a wine glass and needed stitches there was a needle
when i went to the dentist once there was a needle
Friday i had labs drawn more needles
Monday they had to inject a tracer which meant a needle
Yesterday they had to shoot me up with some dye which meant a needle.
I HATE NEEDLES. can we say tears and panic attacks?!

so monday the nurses had a hard time finding a vein which led to nurse satan digging around in both arms before calling in nurse angel who was talented in the way of the vein (regardless i shed tears) so when i went yesterday i mentioned (as always) that i hate needles and if i begin to cry to just stick the damn thing in and ignore me. (this was hard to do yesterday) (sobbing is not nearly as lowkey) i also mentioned that the vein in my right hand looks like my best one...
so nurse satan sticks the needle in and is like on a scavenger hunt trying to poke my vein...well she gets it in and it blows out on her (which hurts) so she calls in nurse lucifer who takes a hold of my left arm and soon i'm in a torture chamber while they search for a decent vein to stab into. Meanwhile i'm in near hysterics (my bad...can't help it) so when its all over mom and i exit the building...and here is what happens....

i turn to my mother "i am about to say a bad word"
mother "ok"
me "this fucking sucks"
mother "i know"

this is all said while i'm crying big crocodile tears and railing off on how i hate having cancer. seriously. i hate it.

THEN to add to the trauma we go to the wig place. we find one. we buy it. i told mom to put it somewhere i dont have to look at it. bc this is the one thing i am super MAD about.
i like my hair.
we're cutting it to my shoulders today.
devastation in smaller doses i guess.

today is my pet scan. i'm assuming it comes with a nurse satan who is going to jab me in my arm.

PS i apologize to anyone that called my cell phone yesterday. that sucker was on silent while i sat on the couch watching Greek (new favorite show) and trying to return to the cheerful upbeat disposition i had prior to yesterday. Just needed a day to myself.

be may happen again.

but i still love you guys a LOT! seriously i do! BUNCHES!

and keep the mail coming...i LOVE getting mail!


Jennifer W. Meyers said...

You're totally allowed to say this F'ing Sucks to your mom and to anyone else you damn well feel like it. Sorry about the needles! I'm going have a talk with my coworkers over NHRMC to tell them to take it EASY on you... or else!!!!

Hannah Banana said...

Hun- I am coming this weekend and we will say the F word a lot--- to the top of our lungs if you can call my mom if you want to say it too. I read your post and LAUGHED out loud about nurse Satan. Do what I do to bad nurses and doctors...kick them in the shin...honestly- it feels good.

Michelle said...

You are 100% Correct: It fucking sucks. But you can do this! I know you can.

PS I agree this should be turned into a book!

Amy F--word said...

Kim--I just wanted you to know that I just dropped the F-bomb in your honor!! And since the letter of the day is F I thought I should bring up the fact that FAB FOUR also starts with F and we LOVE YOU!!!! I hope today was better and that you had nurse angel today or at least nurse neutral. And I'm sending you mail...PROMISE!!!