if there was ample space i would have titled this blog
"secrets to remaining upbeat when all you really want to do is have a snarky attitude and throw things at people whilst wearing a terrible scowl on your face and stomping up and down like a 5 year old"
but alas there was not.
here is my list of things that are making it easy to remain upbeat
- people that i love come visit me. (hannah, alli, jennifer, jamie, mary adelaide)
- almost daily messages, cards, phone calls, text, messenger pigeons, etc. from HCS.
- my amazing BFFs here at home. (Chrissy & Stacy Hannah)
-getting more mail than all the other people at my house combined
-grandma's constant love and affection manifested in home cooked meals (i.e. mashed potatoes)
-pts on 17th street
-voicemails (i know i'm a terrible caller backer)
-Dr. K's academic good looks (it also helps that he's trying to cure me)
-chocolate. in any form.
-naps. when time permits.
-my puppy saylor.
-harmless cancer jokes
-the amounts of praying that's been going on
- my family (unmatched by any other!)
things that make it a bit difficult to remain upbeat
- having cancer
- looking at my hair (yeah i know it looks fine but its the principle of the matter)
- feeling like i cannot complain to much for fear i will upset someone or look whiney
- seeing my grandmother (who is my favorite person on earth if you can't tell) cry on friday.
- strange doctor's offices
- always having to be witty
- having a strange urge to cuss or barf anytime anything about breast cancer comes on tv
- missing shifts at pts when i know that i'm needed
- being tired all the time
- my parents' faces at doctor appointments
- not knowing what is going to happen in the future
and i know i have NEVER had control over that last one...but i always thought i had a pretty good idea of what was going to happen the next day, or the next one...or even the next week.
i hear the road less travelled is the best one to take...but i really would like to back up to the fork in the road August 20th and take the paved fork to the right that led straight into the horizon instead of this dirt path of a left that leads right into what looks like a forrest. and boy is it dense. and the only sunlight is peaking over treetops (a major tease to know it's there i might add) but is so far away that the hope of reaching it at all seems slight. But then God sends me one of those things on the first list i made. just in time to keep me from becoming a depressed shriveled up angry hermit. and the sun shines a little brighter and feels a little warmer. And staying upbeat isn't so hard to do at the moment...That's how i know God is watching over me. Because of his impeccable timing and extremely wonderful sense of humor, because of the people he has placed in my path, and the people he has given me from the beginning.