Sunday, September 14, 2008

secrets to remaining upbeat

if there was ample space i would have titled this blog

"secrets to remaining upbeat when all you really want to do is have a snarky attitude and throw things at people whilst wearing a terrible scowl on your face and stomping up and down like a 5 year old"

but alas there was not.

here is my list of things that are making it easy to remain upbeat
- people that i love come visit me. (hannah, alli, jennifer, jamie, mary adelaide)
- almost daily messages, cards, phone calls, text, messenger pigeons, etc. from HCS.
- my amazing BFFs here at home. (Chrissy & Stacy Hannah)
-getting more mail than all the other people at my house combined
-grandma's constant love and affection manifested in home cooked meals (i.e. mashed potatoes)
-pts on 17th street
-voicemails (i know i'm a terrible caller backer)
-Dr. K's academic good looks (it also helps that he's trying to cure me)
-chocolate. in any form.
-naps. when time permits.
-my puppy saylor.
-harmless cancer jokes
-the amounts of praying that's been going on
- my family (unmatched by any other!)

things that make it a bit difficult to remain upbeat
- having cancer
- looking at my hair (yeah i know it looks fine but its the principle of the matter)
- feeling like i cannot complain to much for fear i will upset someone or look whiney
- seeing my grandmother (who is my favorite person on earth if you can't tell) cry on friday.
- needles
- strange doctor's offices
- always having to be witty
- having a strange urge to cuss or barf anytime anything about breast cancer comes on tv
- missing shifts at pts when i know that i'm needed
- being tired all the time
- my parents' faces at doctor appointments
- not knowing what is going to happen in the future

and i know i have NEVER had control over that last one...but i always thought i had a pretty good idea of what was going to happen the next day, or the next one...or even the next week.
i hear the road less travelled is the best one to take...but i really would like to back up to the fork in the road August 20th and take the paved fork to the right that led straight into the horizon instead of this dirt path of a left that leads right into what looks like a forrest. and boy is it dense. and the only sunlight is peaking over treetops (a major tease to know it's there i might add) but is so far away that the hope of reaching it at all seems slight. But then God sends me one of those things on the first list i made. just in time to keep me from becoming a depressed shriveled up angry hermit. and the sun shines a little brighter and feels a little warmer. And staying upbeat isn't so hard to do at the moment...That's how i know God is watching over me. Because of his impeccable timing and extremely wonderful sense of humor, because of the people he has placed in my path, and the people he has given me from the beginning.


Stacy B said...

Ok after that...I have officially decided that I can no longer wait for an invitation to visit and that I am just going to randomly stop by, put you in my car, and take you to Target. Or some other establishment of your choice!

Amy said...

I miss you!!!! I want to come visit soooooooooooooon! xo Keep focusing on that first list! OLIVE YOU bunches!

Anonymous said...

Hey, don't forget that it is totally acceptable to get really pissed off and yell at people whenever you want. I think that almost everyone on the planet would understand and it might feel good to let it all out! Much love and prayers!


Myra said...

I am proud of your courage and your desire to be strong for the rest of us. But, we can be strong for you, too. I'm just waiting for you to need me. Just call out my name and I'll come running to see you again. Winter, spring, summer or fall all you have to do is...Oh, sorry, got carried away.

Love ya, kid.

J.Lee Photography said...

ahhh Kim...i had fun this weekend! On a good note, having cancer made you start this blog, and you are one hell of a writer. When you're book is out, please remember us little people! In case you were worried (because I know you so well, haha) I'll be back Sept 26 (for a bachelorette party) and Oct 3rd. So don't worry, I'll be back in your life soon and then you'll have someone to constantly make fun of. PS) PT's guys are good for my self-esteem ;)

Travelin Sisters said...

Kimmieeeee my twinnieee ... I love you and want you to know that I am praying for you. Keep focused on that top list and you will make it through this. -Alison

Jennifer W. Meyers said...

How on earth did you fail to mention that your doctor is sort of hot in an academic way??? Geeky chic AND saving Kim's life! Don't tell my husband, but the nerd in me is hot just thinking about it!:)

I love you! Fingers are crossed for GREAT news on Wednesday.

Mary Adelaide said...

I wish you would yell and scream and be upset - then I wouldn't feel bad when I want to yell and scream and be upset for you.

Seriously, it's hard for us to be upset for you when you take it so damn well. :-P

What time will you be in the Raleigh/Chapel Hill area tomorrow? I'd love to see you!