so i dont know if i have mentioned the ongoing joke between sports kevin and myself about everyday being the best day ever. (if not i hope it was self explainatory)
with that said today was not a best day.
quite the opposite.
today started out pretty humdrum normal...get up with puppy then sit on the couch until time to head off to the great land of hamburgers.
work was good until a friend made a bad joke at the wrong time in the midst of a terrible situation about how i was flaunting my cancer. now i have known this kid for years. and i know it wasn't meant the way it sounded. but honestly it put me off just a bit to hear someone actually say those words to me. and if i have been flaunting it for the love of all that is good i would hope someone would tell me (in a more delicate fashion) so that i could promptly put all flaunting to an end. that is the last thing i want to do. but if that is how my method of coping comes across i seriously would like to know so i can remedy the situation. i feel like its hard to take me seriously as someone with cancer when i'm not barfing or bald. and i'm definitely making a tremendous effort to carry on as if my world has not changed. yeah i think about the future and what it might have in store for me. and if the decisions we are making are the right ones. but i can't possibly think that i am flaunting it. flaunt has such a negative connotation. and negative is the last thing i need right now. especially when i find myself getting moodier and testier as time passes. positivity and sunshine only here folks!
if you can't find me a silver lining you are out of here.
if you aren't willing to go along with my jokes peace out.
if you can't maintain a happy go lucky demeanor then adios.
life is too short.
really.
it is short.
and so now i'm trying to fit in all these things that i really WANT to do.
especially now, while i can. first on my list...DC. trip planning is already in the works.
i have always been a very laid back person. floating with the current no matter the season. and just because my summer changed before i was ready for it to does not mean that it too cannot be another beautiful autumn.
6 comments:
Kim, I've read your entire blog in like the last day. This most recent posting is the first one to make me want to comment. Your method of coping is not WRONG in any way. I think you have the freshest, most beautiful way of approaching your current status. I have enjoyed your blog more than any books I have recently read. Given that I'll be attending med school next year, in hopes of being your next Dr. K, your writings have opened my mind to another world. I love reading what you write. Flaunt it all you want. There's nothing wrong with it in my mind, though I'm a subjective person. I can't even imagine the hormonal imbalances that are occurring in your body right now. I am just glad that it seems you have a sense of humor, bit of humility and forward-looking perspective on all of it. DC is a great place. I've spent a little time there, and I enjoyed it. I hope you get more out of it than I did. Here's to hoping your autumn is beautiful...
-Dr. Proctor
Oh yeah...and God can accomplish great things.
Just because you are not barfing or balding does not in ANY WAY mean you are free of the stress of being diagnosed with cancer at an insanely young age. You have a lot on your mind and however you need to behave to deal with the stress is ABSOLUTELY appropriate. Flaunt. Scream. Laugh. Cry. Joke. Count your blessings or throw a fit. We're behind you 100 percent!
You are absolutely without a doubt NOT flaunting your cancer. Seriously, I know we talked about this in person and I didn't even once think to tell you you weren't because I thought it was ridiculous. You are being amazingly strong- stronger than most of us who are trying to cope along with you. We need to talk about it and we need to make fun of it, because thats the only thing (for me) that makes it feel like its not some big horrible thing looming in the air. And besides, being completely irreverent is just what kim sibbachs do. <3
Ditto what Christine said... heart you.
totally unrelated to the blog...but I just heard a really great quote. One of my mom's best friends was also recently diagnosed with breast cancer (but she is in her 60's). She was telling my mom that she is getting ready to start chemo and radiation (after a great trip to South Africa) and said "when God brings you to the cliff, and you have to step off, he either catches you or you grow wings." I thought that was great. You can handle this. Even when you think (or know) you can't, you will. He won't let you down. Love you.
Yeah, what they said. You have remarkable strength and courage, some people just don't know how to handle that. Keep on keepin on chickie poo! I heart you!
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